It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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