What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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