Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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