i jhust puked up my retainher.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
