He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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