You really coming over, don't trick.
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
