I like my sex mixed with concussions.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
