some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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