took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
