just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
