Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
