you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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