it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
