If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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