I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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