then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
