We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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