Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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