haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
