I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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