I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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