Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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