just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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