I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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