He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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