I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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