i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
