I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
