yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
