Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
