so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize