i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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