Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
