You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
porn star boner night. come get it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
