Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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