I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just blew my weed a kiss
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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