I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
