Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
