i jhust puked up my retainher.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
