my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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