had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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