I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
