Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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