I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize