who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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