So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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