I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
