I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
