Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
