I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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