4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize