I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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