I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
