oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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