if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
God I need to hump something, right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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