I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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