Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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