after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
