yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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