i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize