stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
