I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
