I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
