Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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