I bet he comes in French.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
