btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
