I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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