i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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