Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize