Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
